Today was the first day I didn’t have a full-on cry session — and that feels like progress. After breaking down in front of a partner at work yesterday (and blurting out more than I intended), I decided it might be best to stay home for the rest of the week. Juggling tax season while carrying this weight is already hard enough; working from home gives me just a little more space to breathe.
But the day didn’t stay quiet for long. Mid-morning, daycare called. My son had been hitting other kids and even his teacher. By the time I got there, they told me he’d also been tipping tables and throwing chairs. My heart sank walking in to find him in tears, cradled in his teacher’s arms. The moment he saw me, he came running. I scooped him up, and he clung to me like he never wanted to let go. The teacher admitted she wasn’t sure why he was so upset, only that she couldn’t put him down without him melting down completely.
It feels like we’ve slipped backward this past week. Behaviors I thought we had left behind have returned. And maybe it’s just me paying closer attention now, but I’ve noticed new things too — lining objects up, pressing his head into things, less clear words and more jargon. My mind races: is this regression, or just part of the process?
But when we got home, he curled up against me and didn’t move until he drifted off to sleep. In that moment, nothing else mattered. The chaos of the morning, the worry, the questions — it all faded as I held him, and everything felt right again.
Later, we shared the news with some of our friends. Saying the words out loud lifted a weight I didn’t realize I was carrying. Their kindness and support gave me strength. And tomorrow brings a new step: our first appointment with an ABA therapist. For the first time this week, I can feel a flicker of something new — hope.
Today’s Lesson
Progress doesn’t always look like moving forward. Sometimes it’s learning to hold on through the setbacks.
What I’m Holding Onto
His need to snuggle close — because in those quiet moments, I’m reminded that love is enough.
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